imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
