mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
