what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
