Dual....:-)
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
