you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
