I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
