Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize