my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
