I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
