I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
