I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
