therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
