She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
