Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
This toilet bowl is my home.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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