hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
