the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize