this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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