and she was petting her beer can
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
