I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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