I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
