So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
too bad you live with your parents still
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
