I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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