So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dear god my vagina.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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