you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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