So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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