There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
