I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
