Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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