I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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