so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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