Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
