my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Apparently you make a good broom.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
