just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
