I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
