So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
