I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
