it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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