Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
