dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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