fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
