I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
