I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
