When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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