you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
