adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Semen is not good for contacts.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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