my phone needs a breathalizer
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
