ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
