I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
