i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
