i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
