I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
