She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
