Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
