I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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