I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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