the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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