Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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