I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Houston, we have a blender
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
