Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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