I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How many fucks given?
0.12846
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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