dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
