I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
