It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
