I'm really into asian looking animals
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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