I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize