Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
