if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
