If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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