Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
