I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
