Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
