So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
