I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
