Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
