that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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