yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
