no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
