Whod you bang
high people should be assigned attendants
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
