watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
