Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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