I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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