Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
