It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
