What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The struggles of a small town man whore
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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