Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
