so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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