im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
