I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
